LOVE, SEX AND RELATIONSHIPS
Love and sex are NOT the same thing. Love is an emotion or a feeling. Sex, on the other hand, involves a physical act. Relationships? Well, relationships can be emotional and/or physical.

How will I know when it’s true love? Many teens wrestle with this question at some time or another. Being in love can cause a number of noticeable physical symptoms, including loss of appetite, disturbed sleep, increased pulse rate, and raised blood pressure; however, so can infatuation. The key is love lasts. Infatuation doesn’t, and in the long term, loving has more to do with companionship and genuine concern for the other person than with lust or sexual desire.

Relationships can be healthy or unhealthy. A healthyrelationship embodies open and honest communication and partners share power and control over decisions. Other characteristics of a healthy relationship include mutual love and respect and enthusiasm and genuine concern for each other.

An unhealthy relationship usually involves poor communication, poor conflict resolution, and quite often an imbalance of power where one partner tries to take control over the other through threats, emotional abuse, and/or physical abuse. Verbal abuse, ithholding money or other resources, threats or isolation, stalking, violent acts are all symptoms of an unhealthy relationship.

How do you define a healthy relationship? This HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS QUIZ is designed to help teens and their parent(s) (or other trusted adults) share their ideas about relationships and figure out the best answers together.

ASK A PARENT  

The majority of teens really do care what their parents think about love, sex and relationships. In fact more than half of teens say their parents have the greatest influence on their decision whether or not to have sex.

Sadly, even teens who live with their parents; spend many hours a day with them; and talk to them a lot don’t know enough about their parents to know what their parents think. The How Well Do You Know Your Parents? questions and the HowWell Do You Know Your Son or Daughter? questions on the PARENTS page are designed to jumpstart conversations between teens and parents and help them get to know each other better. The questionnaires should be completely jointly; exchanged; and discussed with each other. Knowing or wanting to find out more about someone shows that you truly care.

Parents often are the best source for accurate information on sex-related topics, but approaching parents about sensitive and personal topics issues can be awkward. Communicating with parentsis a skill you can learn and practice.

HOW TO COMMUNICATE EFFECTIVELY:  

1. Define the topic. Do you want information; do you want to share your feelings; do you want help with a problem; or do you just want a listening ear?
2. Pick the right timing? Find a time when you both are free to listen and talk with one another. You may want to set a date to talk or wait until your parent has some quiet time, when they aren’t focusing on work or household chores. You could say, “I have some things I want your opinion on. Could we find some time this evening to talk?”
3. Talk clearly. State clearly what you’re thinking, feeling or concerned about. You might start by saying, “Lately I’ve been thinking about….,” or “Sometimes I’ve been worried about….,” or “Lately I’ve been confused about…..” and then say as clearly as you can what is on your mind.
4. Ask for what you want. This step relates back to Step #1. Do you want help from your parent or do you just want them to listen to what you’re thinking or feeling. If you can tell them what you want from them early in the conversation, you’re much more likely to get it. Parents are often in the role of telling their kids what to do or helping them solve problems. If you just want someone to listen and not have the answers or tell you what to do, make your request clear early in the conversation.
5. Listen. The final step to good communication is listening. Listen to what your parent has to say and follow up with them later if necessary. Often we’re busy thinking about what we’re going to say next instead of listening carefully to the other person. Focus on the other person and try to understand what they’re thinking or feeling. The most successful communication happens when people not only say clearly what they think and feel but understand what the other person is thinking and feeling.

SAFE DATING
Most romantic relationships begin with dating or courting. Unfortunately, dating can be dangerous. According to statistics, one in three girls and one in six guys will be a victim of assault – sometimes sexual assault – by age 18. (Sexual assault not only includes rape but also any unwanted sexual act that is attempted against the victim.)

About 92% of adolescent rape victims know their assailant, and a November 2006 news story reported as many as 1 in 5 US college coeds are the victim of date rape.

So, what are some safe dating basics?

• First time together? Don’t go out as a twosome. Double date or go with a group.
• Don’t isolate yourselves. Stay where other people can hear you or lend help if you need it.
• Know your limits. Before you date, think through your personal limits regarding sexual contact. It’s easier to stick to the limits you’ve thought out ahead of time.
• Express your wishes. Beware if your relationship starts showing symptoms of being unhealthy – in other words, your date is becoming controlling or acting aggressively. This same pattern could occur in a sexual situation.
• Date’s over. Be very clear about what your “NO” means. Explain to your date up front what your dating expectations are and how far you’re willing to go in a sexual situation. If your date doesn’t want to honor your limits, then insist that the date and/or relationship is over.

While sexual assault can’t always be prevented, being aware of what date rape is and having strategies for Reducing the Risk of Date Rape. Even those who do all the right things to prevent a sexual assault can fall prey to a rapist armed with a date rape drug.

Date rape drugs are typically colorless, odorless, and tasteless.

Following a few simple rules can go a long way towards protecting against date rape drug victimization:

• Don’t accept open drinks (alcoholic or non-alcoholic) from others you do not know or do not trust.
• At parties, accept only those drinks which come in closed containers such as bottles, cans or tetra packs.
• Never leave your drink unattended or turn your back on it.
• Don’t drink from open beverage sources like punch bowls, pitchers, or tubs.
• Use the “buddy system”. Go out as a group; agree to watch out for each other; and return as a group.
• Keep your eyes and ears open. If there’s talk of date rape drugs or a friend seems “too intoxicated” for what they’ve had to drink, leave the party immediately and don’t go back!

PEER PRESSURE 

Date rape is scary, but far more teens say they had sex before they were ready because someone, a date or friends, pressured them into it. Peer pressure, pressure from people friends or acquaintances the same age, is tough to deal with, but before peer pressure makes the decision for them, teens need to think about the following:

• Not everyone your age is having sex. Teens often talk about sex in a casual manner, but that doesn’t mean they’re actually having sex.
• Hollywood doesn’t tell the whole story. Commercials, television and movies glamorize sex, but keep in mind that the characters are actors and actresses; they can’t get pregnant or get a sexually transmitted disease (STD). You can!
• There are lots of great reasons to wait to have sex. You may have plans to travel, go to college, or start a job after high school. Consider whether having a baby in your life would make it easier or tougher for you to pursue your dreams.

Knowing where they want to go and what they want to do is the first step teens can take in resisting peer pressure. The next step is knowing ways to avoid peer or datepressure:

• Hang out with friends who also believe it’s OK to wait to have sex.
• Go out with a group of friends rather than a date.
• Introduce your friends to your parents.
• Invite your friends to your home.
• Always carry a cell phone or money for a pay phone or cab, in case you start feeling uncomfortable.
• Never feel obligated to “pay someone back” with sex.
• Think of Delaying Tactics in advance.
• Say “NO” and mean “NO” if that’s what you mean. Then practice your Refusal Skills.

READY TO HAVE SEX? 

Teens often wonder how they’ll know when they’re ready to have sex. For sure, deciding to have sex is a BIG decision and not one to be made on the spur of the moment! The first question teens should ask themselves is “Why do I want to have sex?” Is it because I think everyone else is having sex? Is it because I see it on TV, in movies, and in my favorite music videos, and it looks fun? Is it because I’m being pressured? Is it because I desperately want to feel love and accepted? None of these are good reasons to want to have sex. Sex is something special to be saved for a partner you love, respect and trust.

Even teens who believe they want to have sex for the right reasons need to make an informed decision – in other words, have all the facts. There are a lot of things teens need to consider when determining what’s best for them.

1. When you have a solid knowledge base of all the sexually transmitted diseases you could contract. Knowing the facts can help you in selecting the method of protection that’s best for you and your partner, should you decide not to remain abstinent.
2. When you are not ashamed to talk about sex with your parents or other trusted adults.
3. When you’re able to commit to taking on the responsibility of fully supporting a baby should you (or your girlfriend) get pregnant.
4. When you are willing to put your future goals “on hold” to support a child, should you (or your girlfriend) get pregnant. Consider both short- and long-term goals.
5. When you are comfortable enough to walk into your doctor’s office and ask for contraception to prevent pregnancy and the transmission of sexually transmitted diseases.
6. When you can talk openly and honestly with your potential partner about your sexual history.
7. When you feel comfortable enough to go and get tested for HIV/AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases.
8. When you are able to honestly say that you are in love with your potential partner – not lusting after them or infatuated.
9. When you are mature enough to think things through logically. Try writing down the pros and cons of making a particular decision and how the decision will affect you tomorrow, six months from now, five years from now….
10. When you can honestly make this statement, “I am making the decision to have sex because I have weighed all the consequences and I KNOW that I am

NOT doing it to “fit in” or be “cool” or because I feel pressured; I AM in control of this situation; the situation does NOT have control over me!”

It’s OK, even smart, to wait to have sex. Sex has consequences – some that last for a lifetime.

TRUTH OR CONSEQUENCES?
If a teen doesn’t know the truth about the consequences of becoming sexually active, chances are good that an unplanned pregnancy and/or a sexually transmitted disease will alter their plans for the future.

It only takes one sperm to get a girl pregnant. On average each time a guy ejaculates, he releases 360 million sperm.

Abstinence is the only 100% effective methodof preventing pregnancy and STDs. Teens who think they want to play the odds and become sexually active should determine whether they really can afford to gamble. Can You Afford A Baby – Even for One Year? The cost of supporting a baby, even for one year, easily exceeds the cost of a new sports car or room and board at an out-of-state college or university.

Then, there’s the issue of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).

Out of the 50 states, South Carolina ranks #3 for cases of gonorrhea, #5 for cases of chlamydia, #12 for cases of syphilis, and #10 for AIDS rates.

The truth about the impact of STDs on South Carolina teens is sobering:

• Young people age 15-24 account for nearly half of all new STDs in South Carolina.
• Every year, 1 in 4 sexually experienced teens acquires an STD, but less than 1 in 3 of those teens has been tested for HIV.
• Teens 19 and under account for 27% of the chlamydia cases, 20% of the gonorrhea cases, and 3% of the HIV/AIDS cases reported.
• Since 1986, more than 3,200 13-24 year olds have been diagnosed with HIV/AIDS.
• Of the new HIV/AIDS cases among youth, more than 78% were African-American and 51% were female.

Some STDs can be cured if detected and treated early enough. Some can’t. Knowledge is power, so it’s important to know The Facts About Sexually Transmitted Diseases.

South Carolina teens under age 16 can’t make the decision to become sexually active…..legally, that is. South Carolina law states that a person under the age of 16 can’t legally “consent” to engaging in certain sexual activities.

“It’s not hers to give. It’s not his to take. It belongs to the State.”

That means teens under the age of 16 who engage in sex or anyone older that has sex with someone 15 or younger can be arrested and prosecuted for breaking the law. It’s important for teens to know What South Carolina Law Says About Teenage Sex because breaking the law can result in prison time and mandatory registry on the state’s Sex Offender Registry for LIFE.